Cranky vs. Annoying

When am I responding to something negatively because it's actually annoying, and when do I have the same response to an innocent something only because I'm cranky? That is the question. Having reached this advanced stage of wisdom, age and grace, I recognize that there are some situations that can be relied upon to produce crankiness in yours truly. And when that happens, nothing can please me. Today involved one of those situations, and was therefore one of those days.

The situation -- I had no time to call my own in the previous 24 hours. From the time I left for work at 8:00 or so yesterday morning, through the working day, the meeting immediately after work, and the rehearsal that followed the meeting, I had not a minute to myself. At 11:00 p.m., I was home and went directly to bed, knowing that I had to be up to make a 7:00 a.m. car maintenance appointment (already rescheduled once after the shop failed to call me last week and let me know that delayed equipment repair meant they wouldn't be able to do the work we'd scheduled), then a full working day followed by a post-show discussion at around 9:45 p.m.

So by 10 this morning, I was aware that I was feeling irrationally angry about the small daily events that sane people don't even notice. The least interruption or delay would send my blood pressure soaring and set my teeth grinding. I reeeeally needed to get a grip.

But I couldn't pull a Garbo, and changing my work schedule for today was not in the cards. I am still building very early, tenuous working relationships here, and an event that came about yesterday in one of those working relationships was part of what was pissing me off in the first place. (The theatre decided to retain a producing option on a play without ever talking with me about the play. Grrrrrr. This is one of those things that would make me mad, at least briefly, even if I wasn't already having a cranky day.) All I could do was make sure I ate decently and try to wait the angry mood out.

I've made it to 6:30 p.m. without saying anything evil to anyone, and without blowing anything up. Now I'm in the office alone, about to go find some dinner. Tomorrow I get to have the morning to myself, offsetting the extra hours I'm putting in at work tonight. So when I get into the office tomorrow, I'll review the reports I wrote on the plays I read today, to make sure that my responses weren't unduly colored by my being grumpy. No playwright should have to pay for my bad mood.